I’ve been out of the game, so to speak, for a decade, so dating again is going to be a challenge. What will I do to meet people? Where will I go? And am I really back out there? To be honest, half the draw to divorcing was the thrill of dating again and all the “toys” out there to assist in the dating game: internet and speed dating.
I thought a bit of market research was in order to find out what I was really in for, so I went to a hot dinner spot (The Blue Water Grill) with friends—s ingle friends—and talked about my new dilemma.
“Welcome back!” One said with just a hint of sarcasm.
“Are you sure you want to be out here?” Two asked.
“Don’t listen to them. You’re going to have a blast!” Three exclaimed.
Each of their responses fit their personalities: One was shy and not very outgoing, Two while outgoing, had had a string of bad dates just behind her, and Three is determinedly single. Still, I had my doubts. I’m not quite sure where I fit on the scale, and until then, will I really be ready to jump back in? Isn’t there a way to ease back into dating?
While out with the girls, I kept my idea of internet dating to myself, not wanting their opinions on that just yet. I wanted to try it, quietly, on my own. So that evening, I signed up for the one that seemed to make the most sense for me: the one that matches you based on computer generated compatibility. How could I (or it) miss? We wouldn’t have to have those awkward interview moments: What do you like to do? Are you divorced? What religion do you practice or are you more spiritual? What are you passionate about? All of that would be common knowledge by the time we would actually meet. It was like entering a whole new world. Dating for dummies…or at least, dating made easy.
I guess it was all too perfect. The quiz, while long, was interesting and easy enough. I was immediately matched with about 20 guys from the Chicago land area. None actually looked like my type, but I read their profiles anyway. I was intrigued by some, and not so much by others. I decided to expand my search, and look nationally; perhaps I was limiting myself; that’s when I “met” Alec Brownless from the last article and we know how that turned out. After Alec, who really did appear to be a good match, I met Charlie*. He lives in Chicago, divorced with kids. A bit older than me, he was funny, appreciated Seinfeld’s wit and I decided that humor was a definite plus. I said yes to his date proposal.
He asked me to choose the restaurant (good), which I did: MK, a mid-range establishment that has great décor and good food. I spotted him quickly thanks to the online pictures and my being late… and he was the only single sat. He stood appropriately (nice), but didn’t fight the hostess to pull my chair (not so nice). While he’d had ample time to review the menu, he did it again perhaps for my benefit…so that I’d know. He made several “tsking” sounds when his eye traveled right of the menu and then he finally ordered a hamburger (!). I knew that I’d be paying for my dinner that night…in more ways than one: half the check as well as suffering through Charlie’s idiosyncrasies.
WHAT I wore: blue kimono inspired wrap dress, plunging backline. WHERE I wore it: MK, WHO I saw: Cheap Charlie, HOW late I arrived: 15 minutes (I’m getting better), WHY I would or wouldn’t go back: to Charlie…obviously not, to MK, of course! And then there’s the internet.
Bottom line, while the internet offers the convenience of pre-dating from home, it lacks the ability to provide that “first meeting spark” that comes with catching someone’s eye and just feeling “it”. With the internet, you don’t feel anything via the email or telephone, yet you still give the date a try and even then you may not feel anything but it’s too late. You’re already knee deep in the middle of a date that you can’t get out of. The internet can’t tell you that a person is cheap and thus rule him out pre-date (something you can usually observe at a bar/club setting based on their insistence on tap or the house vodka (!)). The first meeting will tell you all you need to know, and that’s going to happen whether or not the internet has matched you. I’d put money on my intuition over a computer-generated match any day.
Regards,
Andrea
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