Two words, two worlds: Internet Dating

I’ve been out of the game, so to speak, for a decade, so dating again is going to be a challenge. What will I do to meet people? Where will I go? And am I really back out there? To be honest, half the draw to divorcing was the thrill of dating again and all the “toys” out there to assist in the dating game: internet and speed dating.



I thought a bit of market research was in order to find out what I was really in for, so I went to a hot dinner spot (The Blue Water Grill) with friends—s ingle friends—and talked about my new dilemma.



“Welcome back!” One said with just a hint of sarcasm.



“Are you sure you want to be out here?” Two asked.



“Don’t listen to them. You’re going to have a blast!” Three exclaimed.



Each of their responses fit their personalities: One was shy and not very outgoing, Two while outgoing, had had a string of bad dates just behind her, and Three is determinedly single. Still, I had my doubts. I’m not quite sure where I fit on the scale, and until then, will I really be ready to jump back in? Isn’t there a way to ease back into dating?



While out with the girls, I kept my idea of internet dating to myself, not wanting their opinions on that just yet. I wanted to try it, quietly, on my own. So that evening, I signed up for the one that seemed to make the most sense for me: the one that matches you based on computer generated compatibility. How could I (or it) miss? We wouldn’t have to have those awkward interview moments: What do you like to do? Are you divorced? What religion do you practice or are you more spiritual? What are you passionate about? All of that would be common knowledge by the time we would actually meet. It was like entering a whole new world. Dating for dummies…or at least, dating made easy.



I guess it was all too perfect. The quiz, while long, was interesting and easy enough. I was immediately matched with about 20 guys from the Chicago land area. None actually looked like my type, but I read their profiles anyway. I was intrigued by some, and not so much by others. I decided to expand my search, and look nationally; perhaps I was limiting myself; that’s when I “met” Alec Brownless from the last article and we know how that turned out. After Alec, who really did appear to be a good match, I met Charlie*. He lives in Chicago, divorced with kids. A bit older than me, he was funny, appreciated Seinfeld’s wit and I decided that humor was a definite plus. I said yes to his date proposal.



He asked me to choose the restaurant (good), which I did: MK, a mid-range establishment that has great décor and good food. I spotted him quickly thanks to the online pictures and my being late… and he was the only single sat. He stood appropriately (nice), but didn’t fight the hostess to pull my chair (not so nice). While he’d had ample time to review the menu, he did it again perhaps for my benefit…so that I’d know. He made several “tsking” sounds when his eye traveled right of the menu and then he finally ordered a hamburger (!). I knew that I’d be paying for my dinner that night…in more ways than one: half the check as well as suffering through Charlie’s idiosyncrasies.



WHAT I wore: blue kimono inspired wrap dress, plunging backline. WHERE I wore it: MK, WHO I saw: Cheap Charlie, HOW late I arrived: 15 minutes (I’m getting better), WHY I would or wouldn’t go back: to Charlie…obviously not, to MK, of course! And then there’s the internet.



Bottom line, while the internet offers the convenience of pre-dating from home, it lacks the ability to provide that “first meeting spark” that comes with catching someone’s eye and just feeling “it”. With the internet, you don’t feel anything via the email or telephone, yet you still give the date a try and even then you may not feel anything but it’s too late. You’re already knee deep in the middle of a date that you can’t get out of. The internet can’t tell you that a person is cheap and thus rule him out pre-date (something you can usually observe at a bar/club setting based on their insistence on tap or the house vodka (!)). The first meeting will tell you all you need to know, and that’s going to happen whether or not the internet has matched you. I’d put money on my intuition over a computer-generated match any day.

Regards,
Andrea

Fashionably Late!

Fashionably Late, An Introduction




Late has always been a word associated with me, or at least it accurately describes my arrival time. My most infamous tardy came with my projected birth date: July 22nd. I was delivered two days later, arriving fashionably late to the family and squarely in Leo instead of Cancer. I’ve put all those lovely Leo characteristics to good use as I thoroughly enjoy fashion, warm temperatures and the finer things in life, however, with all good things come a challenge or three, namely: my inability to be on time, a tad bit of arrogance and my desire to keep all nonsense and drama to a minimum.



In my opinion, most things are best kept cut short: nail, skirt and dress lengths, hair appointments, awkward conversations, sloppy kisses, American Idol winners careers (Fantasia, the exception,) but especially bad relationships. In fact, I’ve recently ended one—late of course—divorcing well after the marriage went out of style. Simply put, he is an opposite, and if you know anything about us Leos, you know that we need be complimented, not challenged.



I want to be honest with readers, so I admit that I’ve not always made the best choices especially as it pertains to my love life, but fashion-wise, I always know what looks best. In fashion I follow my instincts and it always works in my favor.



Perhaps we have an opportunity here— I will incorporate my fashion sense into my love life and make better mate decisions, following my intuition and feeling my way to the best match as easily as I can locate the perfect pair of shoes—with your help, of course! Join me, be my sounding board won’t you, as I make my way around the dating scene after a decade long hiatus, where I will arrive fashionably late to the parties, events and dates in and around Chicago. I’ll highlight WHAT I wore, WHERE I wore it, WHO I saw, HOW late I arrived and WHY I would (or wouldn’t) go back. But in the end, my decisions are mine and you don’t have to agree with them, but you must respect the fashion!

Regards,
Andrea

I'm Back!

The bug is going around—it’s that time of year! I’m putting pen to paper and then fingers to keys with this blog. I always return to the pen—I can’t help it, it’s in my blood. It’s the one thing I do and enjoy it every time and miss it when it’s gone (kind of like making love in that it’s a passion and it fuels my soul…you get the picture) I’m back.


I decided not to create a new blog. I like this concept, “Regarding Andrea” for a number of reasons. It’s truly reflective of my life the past few years. I’ve put myself in regard and studied the woman inside and out…and I know her better now than anyone else, so who better to Regard Andrea? Besides, I didn’t really give it a proper chance, did I with, what, 10 posts if that.

I’m going to start with a column I wrote awhile back that was published (I own the rights) that I really enjoyed. It was called, Fashionably Late, and it focused on my post-divorce life in Chicago. Of course, I still lived north, but most of my escapades took place in the city. These days, wonderful, exciting things happen in my backyard, so the commute is moot!

This should give you a little taste of my mindset, what it was, and what it is now. Let’s see what has changed—especially since I’ve raised my vibration (something I’ll post about later…promise!)

So sit back, relax, read—and definitely share your thoughts!



Regards,

Andrea

Are men becoming women?

Since my divorce and subsequent thrust into the world of single, I have been struck by how men expect so much from women…to cater to them especially if they are “successful”. But even if they aren’t, they still hold an expectation that you (woman) will take care of them. Of course, I was married for just over a decade (child bride;) and we dated for a while too, so I’ve been out of the game for a long time and things have changed. A lot!

Women had a coveted role in being pursued rather than being the aggressor, but that’s changing and I don’t like it. I’ve had a very strong reaction to this and every man I meet, I feel a need to let him know about this little epiphany I've noticed after my 15 year hiatus. And they always agree. Women agree too, but they don't have the same reaction that I do. They seem to accept it and men sheepishly agree. WHAT?!!!  I want to help us all by putting us back on track. I think that it does women a huge disservice to be in the hunter role. Yes, I get it, lioness' are the provider for food for the entire pride...and I'm a Leo, but come on...really?

Do men really want to be pursued? And if so, why? It goes against nature, men should be men and women should be ladies. But I'm getting on my soap box. I plan to delve into this a bit further later...I'm not done!

Sometimes...it's just about the peanut butter

So…I ran out of peanut butter and didn’t want to make the trip to Whole Foods for my regular organic peanut butter, so I headed to the local Dominick’s. I noticed a strapping young man walking into the store as I parked and I noticed him take note of me. While he was attractive, I really had peanut butter on my mind.


So, I wandered from aisle to aisle staring up looking for anything that resembled peanut butter: condiments, breakfast, snacks…and wham. I almost pass my aisle and my little (well, not so little) friend is leaving the aisle and we almost collide. I spotted jellies and jams as I bobbed and weaved around him, determined that peanut butter was near. I never even looked at him as I grabbed his arm to move him out of my way, all the while apologizing for my behavior. When I did look at him, he seemed a little shocked. And I found organic crunchy peanut butter.

I thought it was funny that he returned to the aisle, perhaps to make sure that I was really that focused on peanut butter and not him…sorry friend, sometimes it really is just about the peanut butter.

What I've learned from men

If you know me, you know that I'm very easy to talk to...because we've had a conversation or two, and I talked your ear off. But I do listen. I'm conducting a bit or market research and gathering as much information as I can from everyone I can and this is what I've learned from men:

What I discovered from Randy…he helped me with the survey because he was so stuck on children. I have a beautiful daughter, so I don’t tend to think about that. That’s why it’s so important to do market research!!! To understand what’s important to everyone else, and can I take myself out of the process…should I?

Pete "got me" he understood that I'm NOT a flirt (almost all of my female friends believe that I am and they are wrong...) Pete, when surveyed said that he didn't think that I was a flirt, but that I am "very aware of my environment" and when we met each other's gaze, I didn't look away and that I looked friendly. I was open to him flirting with me. Just for the record, that's how I think it should be...being a lady puts us squarely in a coveted position and I think we should stay there...more on that later. But what I learned from Pete is that I'm right ;).

In my discussions with "Rico Santiago", he explained to me that men marry to have children. Yikes…really? Don’t we offer more than a vessel to bare your offspring? I admit, I am a bit of a romantic, so I believe in meeting someone, getting to know them, spending a lot of time together and then falling in love at some point. Not everyone, just that special one and everyone has their “position” for lack of a better word, in your life. Maybe they introduce you to a potential employer or a new best friend. Maybe they take you to the best restaurant you’ve ever eaten at, or maybe they become an acquaintance. Regardless, we have the opportunity to meet people all the time, yet many of us let these opportunities go. Why? Fear, shyness, anger, frustration….who knows. One thing I do know is that I think it would be weird to assess every woman you met as a potential carrier of your sperm. It just seems so clinical. I don’t know, maybe he’s right…he is a man and I’m not. I’m just a woman with an opinion and a blogsite.

Regards,
Andrea

Regarding my birthday...

July kicks off a month long celebration of my birthday, which is actually 7/24. I am planning to celebrate myself in some significant way each day. Yesterday, I bought my most favorite ingredients and made great dishes that I plan to enjoy for at least another day.

Should we wait until our birthday (or birthday month in my case) to celebrate ourselves??? I think not!

Something to think about

Since beginning on this journey, one thing that keeps happening is that I am meeting a lot of men. I had to stop and ask myself, why am I meeting so many men? The answer, one of them, is that like when I was married, there is no pressure when men approach me. And I have even approached one, not for me…but for my new business venture (it's coming, stay tuned!!!). There’s no rejection that I have to worry about because he’s not rejecting me, he’s rejecting the program.

Rejection is huge. And I can’t even begin to think about putting myself in a situation where I may be rejected on a continual basis. That is a lot of pressure; yet, I do believe that where men used to be in that situation solely, slowly, it's changing. Women put themselves in that position all the time, and I can only believe that it’s a daunting place to be and I’m not sure why they do it. When I have approached men (read: one man…”Rico Santiago”) it was truly innocent. There was no pressure. I wasn’t approaching him about dating me, or assessing his interest in me. We spoke about my new business venture and how/if he would be a good fit and why, and no, Rico is not a good fit (according to him...though I think he's in denial). We spoke about the ins and outs of the life and when we solved all the world’s problems some eight hours later, I found that we had a good rapport. We had a good dialogue, an easy chemistry (obviously because the bartender who knows me…and maybe him too…not my normal spot but I know the tender from another restaurant) bought us both a drink and later found us and said that he couldn’t put two better people together. That was odd for both of us as that scenario had never happened to me before and maybe Todd (the bartender) knew something we didn’t. We did have a great time together. (as evident in our attending to two additional parties later and then breakfast, listening to birds chirp through the open sunroof driving the restaurant. Gotta love Chicago summers.)

Anyhow, I digress, that story is for another time. That interaction sparked a thought…if you take the pressure off of your initial interactions with others; can that make for a better experience? And by better, I mean easier, less pressure. Something to think about.

Epiphanies

After a little brush with death...as close as I'd like to come for many decades yet, everything seems to be much clearer. The way I approach things and people has altered, as well as the way I look at everything: the weather (it's really not that bad) music (it really is that good and an important part of my life). Love (one must experience it at least once in this lifetime...it is essential) and FUN-- if you're not having fun, what's the fucking point?

Speaking of which, I've coerced my friend into partnering with me on a very exciting project...which will be named and marketed to you in a professional manner at a later date. Why not, right? We work so hard for corporations that pay us so little compared to their profits, why not become our own corporation and do something we believe in and love? And thus, "as yet to be determined" company is born and will turn everything and everyone on their ear.

But more of that later. This blog is just a posting of ideas rumbling around and an opportunity for me to write freely again. A way to chronicle this journey and maybe get free market research ;). This is my third or fourth blog, I've been away for a while. Here's a link to my old blog (Andrea Rants: Insights, thoughts and opinions). People have asked when I would do it again, and voila! Here I am!

So in the spirit of regarding myself and sharing this process with you (to some degree...I have a very precocious eight year old who will no doubt google and find me at some point and then proceed to throw my words and indiscretions right back at me...she's already opening and reading files on the computer!!!) read, share, write and enjoy!

I look forward to this new journey, turning a new page (ha, the witty writer in me is ever present), having more epiphanies and moving to good music.

Regards,
Andrea